Monday, 31 March 2014

Dont Be Like Gwyneth Paltrow

Actress Review: Gwyneth Paltrow 

All views expressed here are totally **** and are not necessarily the views of anyone. All the lyrics expressed on this album are not to be taken lightly, anything else? Uh yeh, don't be like Gwenyth.

Let's face it, being a celeb in a relationship is hard. When your not looking at yourself in the drop down mirror of your Range Rover your stopping your Range Rover for pesky pedestrians and the like. That's why Gwynth Paltrow split from her husband Coldplay frontman Chris Martin (that song where he was in an elephant suit was good). Actually, it's not, its apparently, and I can't prove this but some people are saying that she cheated on him. So here are 5 top reason's not to be like Gwynet - you know what her name is too hard to type. 

1) Her name is douchy - Gwyneth - who names their child this name? Imagine Chris saying 'Oh Gwenyth, I am so fond of you' (and dying inside sligthtly).

2) She's in the public eye without making a decent film in years. She get's publicity by doing fads like Kaballah (that she understands nothing about) and covorting with billionaires but that's no reason to be in the papers.

3) She's a neurotic self centred vegetarian cheater. That's a mouthful, like the brocolli she made Chris Martin eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. No wonder they uncoupled. I mean, ''un-coupling'' ? Are they a train?

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Read our Miranda Kerr review here.